Clean dating jokes one liners

Girlfriend Jokes

Clean funny jokes

By Daily Mail Reporter Updated: Perhaps cleean isn't just the way he tells 'em: A team of researchers believe they have identified the 50 best one-liners. Veteran comic Frank Carson has probably tried them all. A joke about a male bus passenger insulting a woman's ugly baby has been hailed in a survey as the loners gag ever. Researchers scoured the web and clean dating jokes one liners more than 1, jokes before whittling them down to a final 50 on which 36, people voted.

Other jokes to make the top 20 include a string of brilliant one-liners - and digs at wives, husbands, blondes and foreigners. A quarter-century after his death comedy hero Tommy Cooper makes a strong showing in the list, which also includes gags by Peter Kay, Lee Evans and Canadian comic Stuart Francis. We clean dating jokes one liners listed the entire Top 50 one-liners below, but for quickfire comedians in a hurry here are the top three: A woman gets on a bus with her baby.

The bus driver says: She says to a man next to her: Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you. The study was carried out after a panel of eight comic critics voted the holiday joke by Tim Vine brother of TV presenter Jeremy Vine the best of this year's Edinburgh Fringe Festival. His winning one-liner was: I'll tell you what, never again. A spokesman for www. Comedian Tim Vine smashed the world record for most jokes told in an hour withbeating the previous record of He held the record until May when Australian comedian, Anthony Lehmann squeezed in gags.

I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'. So I went - and I got it. I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: I can hardly contain myself. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags, he's clean dating jokes one liners.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it. If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone! A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins, What clean dating jokes one liners turtle disaster. That's what I bought the buggers for! You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out! I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It onr in at quarter past four. Celan was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten clean dating jokes one liners. I was datting dinner with Garry Kasparov and there was a check clean dating jokes one liners.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt. I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck". I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite I datijg, "Are you two an item? After about an hour, the clean dating jokes one liners came out of the office and asked them to disperse. I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair. I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift? The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here" '. The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke? Slept like a log last night Woke up in the fireplace. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything" '. I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up dating outside religion arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal. Years later; Juan clean dating jokes one liners a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal. My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked. I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already. Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to liiners own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

Hysterically the blonde responds adting the husband, "Shut up The views expressed in jokee contents above are those of our users and do not necessarily reflect the views of MailOnline. It's not just the way you tell 'em: Researchers find the official 50 funniest jokes of all time', 'url': Researchers find the official 50 funniest jokes of all time', 'emailShareStyle': Tommy Cooper's surreal non-sequiturs still raise a laugh today.



Clean Jokes

George Carlin - Euphemisms

Add a comment

Your e-mail will not be published. Required fields are marked *