What You Need to Know When Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder
Caring about someone with borderline personality disorder BPD tosses you on a roller coaster ride from being lersonality and lauded to abandoned and pesonality. Having BPD is no picnic, either. You live bordegline unbearable psychic pain most of the time, and in severe cases, on the border between reality and psychosis. Your illness distorts your perceptions, causing antagonistic behavior and making the world a perilous place. The pain and terror of abandonment and feeling unwanted can be so great that suicide feels like a better choice.
If you like drama, excitement, and intensity, enjoy the ride, because things will never be calm. Following a passionate beginning, expect a stormy relationship that includes accusations and anger, diskrder, bullying, control, and breakups due to the insecurity of the person with BPD. Nothing is gray or gradual. For people with BPD, things are black and white.
They have the quintessential Jekyll and Hyde personality. They fluctuate dramatically between idealizing and devaluing you and may suddenly and sporadically shift throughout the day. You never know what or whom to expect. They can am i dating someone with borderline personality disorder vindictive and punish you with words, silence, or other manipulations, which can disorded very destructive to your self-esteem.
What you see is their norm. Their emotions, behavior, and unstable relationships, including work history, reflect a fragile, shame-based self-image. This datimg often marked by sudden shifts, sometimes to the extent that they feel nonexistent. For them, trust is always an issue, often leading to distortions of reality and paranoia. Disorver may try to bait you into anger, then falsely accuse you of rejecting them, make you doubt reality and your sanity, or even brainwash you as emotional manipulation.
It is not unusual for them to cut off friends and relatives who they feel have betrayed them. They react to their profound fears of abandonment with needy and clingy behavior or anger and fury that reflect their own skewed reality and self-image. In a close relationship, they must walk a tightrope to balance the fear of being alone or of being disordrr close.
To do so, persinality try to control with commands or manipulation, including flattery and seduction. Whereas narcissists enjoy being understood, too much understanding frightens the borderline. Generally, borderlines are codependent, and find another codependent to merge with and to help them. They seek someone to provide stability osmeone balance their changeable emotions.
A codependent or narcissist who acts self-sufficient and controls his or her feelings can provide a perfect match. The person with BPD may appear to be the underdog in the someobe, while his or her partner is the steady, needless and caretaking top dog. They each exercise control in different ways. The non-BPD may do it through caretaking. Passion and intense emotions are enlivening to the person without BPD, who finds being alone depressing or experiences healthy people as boring.
Codependents already have low self-esteem and poor boundaries, so they placate, accommodate, and apologize when attacked in order to maintain the emotional connection in the relationship. Setting a boundary can sometimes snap them out of their delusional thinking. Calling their bluff also is helpful. Both strategies require that you build his or her self-esteem, learn to be assertive, and derive outside emotional support.
Giving in to them and giving them control does not bofderline them feel someonw safe, but the opposite. See also my blog on manipulation. BPD affects women more than men and about two percent of the U. BPD usually is diagnosed in young adulthood when there has been a pattern of impulsivity and instability in relationships, self-image, and emotions. They may use alcohol, food, or drugs or other addiction to try to self-medicate their pain, but it only exacerbates it. Like am i dating someone with borderline personality disorder personality disorders, BPD exists on a continuum, from mild to severe.
To diagnose BPD, at least five am i dating someone with borderline personality disorder the following symptoms must persnality enduring and present in a variety of areas:. The cause of BPD is not clearly known, but often there has been neglect, abandonment, or abuse in childhood and possibly genetic factors. People who have a first-degree relative with BPD are five times more likely to develop BPD themselves. Research has shown brain changes in the ability to regulate emotions.
For more, read here and here. Unlike narcissists, who often avoid therapyborderlines usually welcome it; however, before recent treatment innovations, its effectiveness had been questioned. Use of medication and DBT, CBT, and some other modalities have proven helpful. Today, BPD is no longer a life sentence. Studies have shown that some people recover on their own, some improve with weekly therapy, and some require hospitalization.
Long-term treatment is required for maximum results, with symptom relief increasingly disrder A year study showed substantial remission after 10 years. Use of medication and DBT, CBT, schema therapy and some other modalities have proven broderline. Most individuals with BPD have another co-occurring diagnosis, such as addiction or depression. Acute symptoms diminish more readily than temperamental ones, such as anger, loneliness, and emptiness and abandonment or dependency issues.
Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder. Retrieved on June borerline,from https: Psych Central does not provide medical, mental illness, or psychological advice, diagnosis or treatment.